Month: May 2014
Take Time to Grieve for a Family Member’s Loss to Mesothelioma
Several weeks ago Lisa Hyde-Barrett, thoracic nurse, offered her insight into grieving the loss of a loved one. Today, Jennifer Gelsick provides her first-hand account of her grieving process when her father, Don Smitley, passed away from mesothelioma.
Everyone grieves differently. Some people find it easier to deal with grief by jumping in to projects; others may need time to themselves. The most important thing to remember is that it’s okay to mourn and that there are people there to help you if you feel it too overwhelming to handle on your own.
For me, being around people helped me tremendously as I grieved Dad’s passing. My mind tends to wander, and being occupied with the company of my family and friends allowed me to think of something else other than the fact that I am now, in fact, without a father. I did have trouble returning phone calls though. It took me a while to be able to answer questions and come up with some sort of acceptable answer for the standard question, “How are you doing?” The truth is I didn’t know how I was doing; I was just going through the motions for quite some time.
Getting back into work was difficult. It was a sort of a double-edged sword; it was a much needed distraction, yet I wasn’t ready or capable to focus in on anything quite yet. There were a lot of oxymorons with me right after Dad passed. I wanted to be around people, but I had a really hard time with the looks of pity that people gave me. Answering questions about what happened was terrible for me, but a necessary evil, so to speak.
I don’t believe that time can heal all wounds like the old adage says. I do believe that it can help you find some sense of clarity and help you to find peace. The human spirit wants to survive, and somewhere deep inside ourselves, we all have a desire to carry on. It’s up to each of us as individuals to find that place of balance. Remember that no one can tell you how to grieve, just be true to yourself and reach out to others for anything you need.
The Dangers of Asbestos Should Not be Brushed Aside
My Dad passed away at the age of 57 from mesothelioma. This disease is a direct consequence of exposure to asbestos. I know I don’t usually say much about asbestos, but there are some things that need to be stated.
Asbestos is still legal in the United States. To me, this is unacceptable. How can we still be allowing this material to be used when it has sickened or killed so many? It seems to me that the majority of people still take asbestos exposure lightly. Honestly, I wasn’t familiar with the material until my father was diagnosed with mesothelioma, so I was one of those people. The key is to educate the general public about its dangers.
Since Dad’s diagnosis, I have had people tell me that asbestos is nothing to be afraid of. “It’s nothing! I’ve been around it forever and I’m fine. People just overreact about it!” I cannot form a concrete sentence about how much it pains me to hear these things. It has understandably become something inherently personal to me. Knowing what my family and so many others have gone through, it honestly feels like a slap in the face. Protect yourself! Don’t let your family go through what mine has.
Get educated, please. If you think something is asbestos, leave it alone and then ask questions about it. Even though it used to be accepted as a wonderful, safe product, history has proven that to be wildly incorrect. Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Take action and help to eradicate mesothelioma forever.
Jennifer Gelsick has started a blog about advocating for the mesothelioma community. See more about her efforts to help find a cure for mesothelioma .
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Write It Out for Strength and Hope
By C. Hope Clark
In my profession as a writing counselor and an author, hardly a day goes by that someone doesn’t email, Facebook or Tweet me about how illness has incapacitated them to the point they have no will to write. Likewise, caregivers, their days packed with the needs of others, tell me the same. To them, life has sucked all the joy out of storytelling because their energies are spent elsewhere, amongst the myriad of obstacles to simply living. In each and every case, I beg them to rethink their choice.
Burdened with severe rheumatoid arthritis since his twenties, my uncle lived to age 80, crippled and in pain most of his days. Yet he wrote the most beautiful letters to my mother, his sister. He allowed people to glimpse into his soul through words. He held a romantic view of life, appreciating the intricacies and simplicities of his world. I never felt his pain, and there is no doubt in my mind that his writing helped him forget his.
That’s only one of the many reasons we need to write through the irritation, struggle, and challenges laid before us. Writing can be cathartic and empowering, enabling us to:
- Vent
What you’re thinking may not be what you want to tell the people around you. But it’s freeing to express your worries in words. I once read a child’s story where the fretting little boy was taught to write his anger out on paper, read it aloud, and then throw it away. It’s like writing an angry letter to the editor, sleeping on it, then rereading it in the morning. Such a release. Such a tool to help us anchor ourselves. - Slow down and think
When we document our days in journals, stories or poetry, even scripts, we have to slow our thought processes down and sift. Converting our moments into scenes and phrases allows us to look back and study how we handled moments, news, even treatments. Writing our story can make us step back and regroup, defining what is important and what is not. - Preserve history
The universe moves forward whether we record it or not, but there’s something special about expressing our interpretation of it. Even with electronic media and an overabundance of information, our memoirs are worth gold to our friends and family. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But eventually they’ll marvel at your voice. And you’ll be able to look back and see how far you’ve come, writing through days and current events that turned out to be so much bigger than what we thought, more meaningful than just us. - Document medical issues
Whether you wish to express displeasure, weave a beautiful poem, or simply journal facts, writing about an illness, yours or others, allows you to record yourself in the moment. This spontaneous documentation just might enlighten others about symptoms, reactions, and treatments. - Communicate with each other
What we may not be able to say face-to-face might be expressed in writing. A diary, a thank-you note, or a parallel short story to what we experience might enable others to walk in our shoes. Your story might be what assists another to endure a similar period in their life. Your sentences might help others realize they aren’t alone.
Whether you blog, write letters, create a story for Chicken Soup books, YouTube or publish a book, your experience is recordable, and a tool.
Expert Insight
C. Hope Clark
“Writing can liberate you, pick you up and carry you through ordeals. It can help you preserve and appreciate your journey. And it can help others.”
So when you think your care-needing or caregiving has sapped the strength out of you to write, take a pause. In actuality, writing may just be the medicine you need.
Know more about mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
The Mesothelioma Community Needs Advocacy Not Apathy
All too often when we hear of someone with a mesothelioma diagnosis, we give a standard response: “Oh, that’s too bad. Let me know if you need anything.” Then, normal life is resumed. You may pray for the person and their family, and that’s absolutely appreciated and important, but do you ever really follow up? Apathy and indifference seem to dominate society today on many levels. It’s time to give that up and let it give way to advocacy and action, especially when it comes to fighting mesothelioma.
Sometimes, we tend to feel bad for others, but think, “Well, it’s their problem, I don’t want to interfere.” It’s right, in a sense, not to want to get in their way sometimes, but you can take action on your own without the family even knowing.
Asbestos, the underlying cause of mesothelioma, is still legal in the United States. Contact your local representative and fight against it! Hold a fundraising dinner or bake sale to benefit the family you know. Although I do recommend getting the family’s blessing, medical treatments and travel get expensive, and I’m sure it would be appreciated.
Spread the word about the dangers of asbestos and the real consequences of being exposed to it. Contact the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation – they are happy to provide information and have wonderful ideas and concrete direction on how you can help fight this horrible disease. The person you know who is suffering from mesothelioma may not even know about the Meso Foundation. Give them some information; it could lead to an extended group of physicians and treatment options.
Working to find a cure for mesothelioma doesn’t just stop there. This research could lead to cures and treatments for other types of cancer as well. It’s amazing what a difference one person can make. Imagine what we could all do together!
My Father’s Passing Leaves Me Asking, “What Would Dad Say?”
When my Dad died, I didn’t just lose my father. He was so much more than that. On October 15, 2013, I lost a best friend, mentor, comedian, story-teller, and guide. When you lose someone you love so much, you lose a part of yourself.
Dad was honestly one of the best friends you could ever have asked for. People were always drawn to him, wanting to be around his infectious personality. He graced so many people with his presence, but I got to have him all the time. There are so many little things about my relationship with Dad that no one will ever know. How when I was little, any time I was sick, he would go to the store and pick up some goofy present for me. Whether it was an oversized coloring book and crayons or a silly book, those gifts became some of my favorite things.
My Dad was (as I’ve said before) so wise and gave me the greatest advice. I often feel lost without him when I’m trying to make a decision. Instead of picking up the phone to call him, I now have to sit back and think hard about what he would suggest and ultimately, what he would do in his own life. He was a walking, talking example of what a genuinely good human being should be.
Dad was funny! Most of the time, he didn’t really mean to be funny, it just kind of stumbled into his lap. He had an amazing sense of humor and was always laughing at himself. Don’t get me wrong, he was a jokester too! He loved to make people smile with his off-kilter way of talking or just doing a funny move.
My father truly was an extraordinary man and a piece of me did die with him that day. I lost one of the brightest lights in my life, but I do realize how blessed that I am to have had him as my Dad. It brings me comfort to know that even though I lost him, Heaven gained an angel.
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
We’d like to offer you our in-depth guide, “A Patient’s Guide to Mesothelioma,” absolutely free of charge.
It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
Download Now