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Moving Beyond Grief After Mesothelioma
We have all heard about there being stages of grief, with the last one being acceptance. Once you do accept that your loved one is gone, what happens from there? I think that maybe “Missing” should be another stage. Even though I have acknowledged that my Dad is gone, I don’t really accept it.
I was there every step of the way throughout my father’s battle with mesothelioma. I saw him suffer, go through physical and emotional trials, and ultimately be taken by this disease. Even though I know what happened, it doesn’t make his death any easier to digest.
Although I still grieve for Dad every day, I think that now I miss him more than at first. In the days and weeks after his passing, I was still in shock, trying to figure out what had happened. How could he really be gone? I was still expecting him to walk through the door, smile, and say that it was all a big misunderstanding and that he was going to be fine.
A profound loss is a lot to process. Once I had a chance to really understand what had happened, I started to really miss Dad. I miss his laugh, his stories, his way of making even the biggest challenges seem like nothing. I miss him at family events, at weddings, on holidays. It’s a different type of grief that will never go away.
Knowing that my father no longer has to bear the agony of mesothelioma does bring me comfort. I know that he is in a better place with no more pain or suffering. Even though I understand that with all of my being, I still miss him. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I would give anything for him to be here to see my daughter. I would love to hear his laugh and have him tell me, one more time, that he loves me and that everything is going to be ok.
Grieving for someone that you love is a long and bitter undertaking. It is a journey that we each have to take in our own way. For me, it is now easier for me to look back and laugh at things that Dad and I did together. Now, I can see these things as fond memories, not painful ones. These recollections deserve to be greeted with a heart full of happiness, not an empty ache.
I will always look back on my Dad’s life and wonder why it couldn’t have been longer. He was taken from us far too soon. However, I know that he would rather us all be happy and think of him with a smile. Even though I’ll always miss my father, I pray that we’ll meet again someday.
Fundraising for Mesothelioma at the Dunbar Community Fest
It’s the time of year once again for my hometown’s community festival, the Dunbar Community Fest. It’s always at the end of September, a beautiful beginning to the Fall season, and this year it is being held on Sept. 24. Once again, my family is continuing our Fundraising Efforts for the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation at this wonderful festival.
This community has supported my family throughout the years. During the time that Dad battled mesothelioma our friends in Dunbar were there for us during our ups and downs. We are grateful for their continued support as they remember Dad and help us raise funds for The Meso Foundation to help other families dealing with this cancer.
Each year, we try to do something a little different with our raffle table. One year, we introduced t-shirts, another we did a mystery prize, and another we were able to raffle off a trip to a local resort. This year, we will be selling our “Dining with Donnie” cookbooks, as well as offering our usual raffle items. We will also be raffling off a corn hole set.
Many of the people who live here are my family as well, and others might as well be! We appreciate the continued outpouring of love and we welcome hearing the memories of my Dad. It’s bound to be a day filled with laughter, smiles, and fun!
To find out more about the festival visit Dunbar Community Fest.
Yes, America, Mesothelioma is Real
From the time I was little, I remember seeing the commercials on television about mesothelioma. When my father was diagnosed, that was all that I knew of this disease. I think that a lot of people probably fit into this category. But, now I know that, yes, mesothelioma is real.
Mesothelioma is a real disease. Real people are its victims, real people spend their lives tirelessly researching and treating those affected. Real people help their loved ones cope with the diagnosis and subsequent treatments, and real people fundraise and educate others about the dangers of asbestos and the desperate need for a cure.
Like most major trials in life, you never think that they can happen to you. You think that mesothelioma is some far off, distant “thing” that would not impact your life in any way. I’ll be perfectly honest, that was my way of thinking. I would see the ads on TV and feel sorry for the people who had to deal with this detriment, but not in a million years did I think that it would eventually steal my Dad, at the age of 57, from me.
When I talk about this cancer, people ask me if it’s a real thing, or if it’s a joke. Sometimes, even when I explain my story to them, they still think that it’s all some sort of money making scheme. I try my best to communicate to these individuals that it is, in fact, a reality; it is a huge part of my reality, and the reality of so many others in this community who have been rocked by mesothelioma.
Thankfully, the doctors, nurses, caregivers, researchers, and all who advocate for mesothelioma patients and their families are also real. They will never give up their fight to educate others and to eventually eradicate this disease; then, the next generation will see mesothelioma as an ancient, nonexistent disease, not something that will ever be real to them.
Don’t Wait To Make A Doctor’s Appointment
Many people have aversions to going to the doctor. When my Dad began having trouble breathing in the summer of 2011, we urged him to make an appointment. He said, “I’m fine, I’m just having some trouble catching my breath. It’s really hot outside, don’t worry about me!” The symptoms began getting worse and then other symptoms started to arise.
I remember when he went to the doctor and they said he had fluid on his lung. It seemed like it could be an infection; that would have been very treatable. Then they found a shadow on his lung. Then he needed the fluid drained. After that came a procedure that finally gave him the awful diagnosis of mesothelioma.
If you think that you have been exposed to asbestos and are experiencing symptoms of asbestos-related diseases like shortness of breath, coughing, weight loss, etc., please consider getting checked out. It’s important to know what you’re up against if it is mesothelioma. It can allow your medical team to create a treatment plan that will be best for you. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones!
Mesothelioma Nurse Recaps Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation’s Houston Symposium
This year the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation is having three conferences “on the road.” The first of the series was held in Houston, Texas on May 20. I have had the pleasure of attending a few Meso Foundation conferences over the past years, and it is my impression that each one is better than the one before. This conference did not disappoint.
Houston is home to two cancer centers with mesothelioma specialty centers: M.D. Anderson Cancer Center and Baylor St. Luke’s Medical Center. Anderson’s mesothelioma program is headed by Dr. Anne Tsao, a medical oncologist, and Dr. David Rice, thoracic surgeon. Baylor’s mesothelioma program is headed by Dr. David Sugarbaker, an international expert on mesothelioma.
The mesothelioma community at these conferences is represented by patients, family members, caregivers, medical experts, health care workers, advocates, and members of the legal community. Attendees can watch presentations by researchers on their latest findings, they can ask questions of the experts, and they can network and meet others who are also dealing with mesothelioma.
My takeaways from the Houston conference include:
- Clinical Trials are showing the way to a personalized approach to treating mesothelioma.
- The goal is to get to a point that mesothelioma is a manageable, chronic disease.
- This spring has brought breakthroughs for the future treatment of mesothelioma.
- The feeling among the researchers was that they are progressing towards a cure.
- Some studies have shown promising results for the four subtypes of mesothelioma.
Nationwide, the number of cancer patients who participate in clinical trials is between 3-5% for adults. The Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation reports that mesothelioma patients consistently reach out to them to ask about clinical trials, and the number who participate in mesothelioma trials is over 55%. This is one of the tangible, impressive services that the Meso Foundation provides for the mesothelioma community.
The doctors who presented were passionate about helping patients with mesothelioma. It was evident that the next generation of researchers who presented have the passion to continue the work towards a cure.
Collaboration, research, clinical trials, awareness, advocacy, are the keys to further progress towards a cure. Patients and families were encouraged to get involved and to request more money for research for this cancer from the government and other sources.
The next two conferences for mesothelioma are being held in San Francisco on September 16, and in Chicago on October 7. Get involved- knowledge is power!
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