As I write this, it is the eve of the second anniversary of my Dad’s passing. This is always an extremely challenging time of year for me. I think back to all the “lasts”- the last time I saw Dad, the last conversation, his last day, his last night. I tend to dwell on these times. I then flip-flop to the “firsts”- our first full day without him, our first Christmas without his special family gift showing up, the first birthday where he wasn’t here. Those are hard as well.
I should think of all of his “firsts” though. What were his first moments in Heaven like? Who was the first person he saw? What was the first thing he did? He would have, without a doubt, been in awe (and probably still is) of everything that God has there for him.
For us here, death is a finality, but for Dad, it was a new beginning. While I stay here grieving, he is happy. He got a new body, free of mesothelioma and any pain. Knowing this, I try to recognize that he is in a beautiful place now with no sadness or grief; however, my heartbreak continues.
I often think that if I could just see him or hear his voice things would be so much easier. If I could just have five more minutes with him, maybe I could have some more peace with the situation. Maybe, but then again, I believe that everything happened just as God intended. And even though I can’t see or hear him, I feel like he is watching over me and my family every day.
Even with the pain of losing my Dad, life has continued with many blessings: my daughter who will be turning one year old soon, the health of my family, the list could go on and on. I talk to Dad all the time and ask him to pray for us, and I truly believe that he hears me. He watched out for me for my whole life, why wouldn’t he do the same from Heaven?
Although I will always miss Dad and everything about him, I try to focus on all of the gifts that God has given me. It is hard to recognize them at times, especially right now, but I know that He is taking care of Dad, and that is the greatest blessing anyone could ever want.
Dad, I miss you and love you today and always, and you will forever have a special place in my heart.