Give Up the Doubting to Find Peace
My father lost his battle with mesothelioma on October 15, 2013. When he passed away, I instantly started thinking about what more I could have done to help him. Was there another treatment we didn’t know about? Did he need something that we weren’t able to give him? After a long time, I found peace in knowing that we honestly did everything that we could and that Dad knew and appreciated that. Finding a sense of forgiveness in myself took some time.
It’s easy to place blame on yourself when you lose somebody you love to cancer, or wonder whether you could have done more to help them. Could I have recognized the symptoms sooner? Did I do enough research? Was the treatment enough or the right one? Did I do everything in my power to prevent losing him?
Unfortunately, these questions can cause you a lot of pain and heartache, but I think that the “what-ifs” are a natural reaction and part of grief. However, the wondering won’t get you anywhere. It will take time, but it’s important to realize that your love and support were enough for your loved one.
In my Dad’s case, all he wanted was for us to spend time together and to know how much he loved us. We never doubted that love for one second and we know that he felt ours in return. These are the important thoughts and memories that will allow you to eventually look back with a smile and know that your love carried them through and that they will never be forgotten.
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