Category: Faces of Mesothelioma
Chest Cold May Sign of Mesothelioma
My father has always been a very hard worker who would not stop until his projects were finished.
As long as I can remember he has worked long hours, often overtime on Saturdays, and although Sunday was his day off, he would still be busy doing some kind of repair or home improvement around the house.
It was not as if he was keeping himself busy to avoid his family, he was doing all this hard work for us. In his mind, Dad is a provider; a provider for his wife and children and he could not rest until he felt accomplished.
Even when Dad would feel sick he would refuse to miss work or even stop to go to the doctors. I remember back when he was diagnosed the first time with cancer, it took him a while to finally listen to Mom’s suggestion to go to the doctor to get the odd looking mole on his leg checked out. Same with this time around, he was not feeling well for weeks, or possibly even months since he never complained of any ailment.
It took him until he could hardly sleep at night because of his difficulty with breathing and the heaviness in his chest before he would go to the doctor. It was about a week before he went that I remember having a conversation with him about how work was going and what their yard looked like after Hurricane Sandy hit. He mentioned he was feeling like he had a chest cold that he could not kick.
He rarely would ever show weakness or even mention if he was not feeling 100 percent. He had told me that he already tried an antibiotic to get rid of his nagging ‘chest cold,’ but there was no improvement after completing his prescription. I told him maybe he needed to go back to the doctor to be tested for pneumonia or some other lung issue. He finally did, I don’t know if he took Mom’s and my advice, or if he was tired of feeling short of breath, but he finally went.
Our family doctor then admitted him to the hospital to have his lungs drained of the fluid found. At the time, I didn’t think much of his admission to the hospital, and I was denying the fact that this was anything serious. They ended up keeping him in the hospital for a few days after draining the fluid to await the biopsy results of the lung tissue and fluid. My mother had asked my brother, Adam, and me to come home. So that weekend Adam drove home from Penn State, and I drove home from Philadelphia, to see Dad with the rest of the family.
When I saw him, I could see how sick he really looked. That’s when I realized that something was up, I wasn’t sure what, but it definitely was not a chest cold. The doctor met with us that night while we were all there and explained that the biopsies showed cancer cells, but he was not sure what type of cancer. He assumed it to be melanoma that had reappeared after all these years as stage IV in the lungs. There was still more testing to be done, and samples had to be sent out for further investigation, because he wanted to rule out all other cancers.
We were devastated. We were confused. We were scared. Everything you can imagine that goes through a family members’ minds when they get this kind of news, hit us. We sat in the waiting room together: Mom, Andrew, Adam and me. We cried. We hugged. We sat in silence. We said that we would not show Dad that we were upset or weak. We had to be strong for him and what was to come.
We calmed ourselves down and went back into the hospital room that night and sat with him, making small talk and being cheerful despite the news. I remember I had some students’ papers that I had been grading while sitting there that Sunday with my family, watching football on the small hospital television screen before the doctor had come in. I got them back out and started sharing some of the funny things my students had written. It’s true what they say, “Kids say the darndest things.”
I got a little chuckle out of my parents to ease the mood and left that night to go back to Philadelphia feeling very upset, but also satisfied with that evening that we all spent together. I used to take time with my family for granted, sure that my parents would never get older or get sick. Now, I’ve realized that I should be cherishing every moment that we are all together.
The next day my father was sent home to rest for a few days before heading back to work. Later that week my parents received the phone call from the doctor with the results from the biopsies. It was NOT Stage IV melanoma. It was a cancer that we have never heard of before -it was Mesothelioma.
Check in next week for the continuation of my blog: “Where do we go from here?”
Daughter Reflects on Life With Don Smitley
Over these past few months, I’ve been reflecting on what it was like growing up with my Dad. I had told many people that I would have rather had 30 short years with him as my father than 100 with someone else. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. My Dad was the perfect father to me.
Dad was a special kind of dad. He was fun, goofy, and never afraid to look silly to make me smile. We were watching some home movies over Christmas where Dad and I were walking our dogs. Then, I decided to walk Dad. I put the chain around his waist and drug him all over the place. Some neighbors who were outside asked him what he was doing and he just laughed and said, “I’m getting walked!” He was constantly doing things like this. When he saw that I was happy, he was happy too.
Even though I danced my whole life, Dad wanted me to try out all different sports. Not necessarily by being on an official team, but with him. We spent hours outside playing baseball, kickball, and throwing a football around. I never exceled at any of these activities, but looking back, he was trying to help me become more well-rounded (or maybe to just be able to play games with the other kids). Plus, he liked chuckling at me when I would kick as hard as I could and miss the ball completely.
We were always going on adventures together. Whether it was taking a ride in the mountains or trying to bake cookies at home, he made even the most seemingly ordinary activity special. My Mom worked late one night a week; I was never in bed on time those nights. It became a game to see if I could get ready and be “asleep” under the covers by the time she got home. We never made it.
You would think that these things would have changed a bit as I got older, but they didn’t. Every Saturday morning was our time. Mom would be at work, and we’d be off. We would go out to breakfast, shopping, up to the mountains, for ice cream, do a project at home, and visit family… all in the same day. Those days are such precious memories for me.
Dad was more than just fun. We always had the kind of relationship where we could talk about anything. I know I have said before that he gave the greatest advice of all time, but it bears repeating. No topic was off limits for us: school, work, faith, we discussed it all. He always knew exactly what to say. If he wasn’t sure, he would tell me to let him think about it and he would let me know what he came up with later. And he always did.
I could write a book or 50 about Dad and his kindness, generosity, and genuine love for life, God, and his family. He was perhaps the single most powerful influence on my life. He didn’t just tell me how to live a good life, he showed me. This is a true testament of the life of the most amazing person I’ve ever known, and I was blessed to be able to call him “Dad.”
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Mesothelioma Widow Adjusts to New Routine
Day-to-day life has changed greatly for my whole family since Dad passed away, but no one’s more so than Mom’s. She and Dad spent all of their time together and she has had to adjust to not having him always there.
Every morning, my parents sat and had coffee. Now, Mom has a cup without him. They would go and run errands together – everything from going out to eat to going to the post office. Now, these are things that Mom has to do by herself.
Little things that Dad always took care of now fall to Mom. Dad always cut the grass, took out the garbage, fixed anything and everything that might need fixing. Thankfully, other people have been filling in to help out with a lot of these kinds of things, but it was still different when Dad would do them.
Mom has been spending a lot of time visiting us at our home, spending time with family and friends, and doing her best to enjoy her new retirement. But it’s still not the same. There will always be a void there that only Dad could fill.
I have mentioned many times how much I admire my Mom and how strong she is. She inspires me every day to do my best to handle every situation and challenge with grace. Please pray for her and for all who have lost a loved one. Every one of us needs your prayers.
The Serenity Prayer Offers Comfort to Family of Patients
Prayer has gotten me through a lot. This prayer, in particular, has helped me throughout my entire journey. It’s commonly known as The Serenity Prayer. Take a second to pray it and really let the words sink in. It’s truly beautiful.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change… Courage to change the things I can and Widsom to know the difference.
Prayer and a Listening Ear are Priceless Ways to Support Those Battling Mesothelioma
When someone you care for is diagnosed with mesothelioma, you might wonder what you can do to help. The first answer is, of course, PRAY and ask others to pray as well. Never, ever underestimate the power of prayer. Our family and our story is proof of that. You might feel as though there is nothing else you can do, but the truth is that you can.
The family that is going through a mesothelioma diagnosis and treatment is scared, tired, and exhausted in every capacity. Any help that you can offer is important. If you know that the person with the diagnosis usually does a certain task, ask if you could take that job over for a while. For example, Dad always spends a lot of time cutting grass, so family members took care of that for him. If you always see someone at the grocery store, ask if they will give you their list and pick up the items for them.
One thing that was extremely helpful was people helping to take care of my two grandmothers who my parents looked after. In this case, if you are a family member, or are close to the family, offer to help take on some, or more of, the responsibility in that regard.
Take a healthy meal over to the family. Trust me, they are too tired to cook and might forget to eat all together. Nutrition is so important for any cancer patient, and helping them eat, and eat right, is a great help.
Lastly, a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear are priceless. Spending time with the people impacted by a mesothelioma diagnosis is so meaningful and kind. Let them know that you are praying for them, that you support them, and that you are there for them whatever they may need at any time. The visits we received throughout our journey were so precious to us. Knowing that you are not going through it alone is a priceless thing.
Keep in mind that any kind of help you can give or offer is appreciated whether those involved are able to express it or not. Remember that they are going through a very difficult time. When offering your help, try hard not to overwhelm them, as they are already feeling devastated, so be sensitive to their situation. Friends and family members are an important factor in helping someone recovering from mesothelioma, so you are a cherished member of the team!
Finding Comfort in Stories After Losing a Loved One
Words are powerful things. They can lift spirits, they can bring comfort, they have the ability to calm us. When you are talking with someone who has lost a loved one to mesothelioma, or any reason for that matter, words need to be chosen with care.
For me, I found a lot of comfort in stories that people shared with me about Dad. I love hearing how he did something nice for someone, how he played a joke on someone, or how he fell for a joke that someone played on him. A relative even brought 50 cents to the viewing. It was from someone who owed it to Dad for a bicycle he sold to him 50 years ago. These things brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart.
Seeing how many people cared about Dad was overwhelming to me. Each person had something to share and just wanted to show our family that they support us and are here for us. Sometimes, just the presence of friends and loved ones says more than you could ever articulate with words.
A lot of people aren’t really sure what to say in this type of situation. Some said nothing, which is fine. Others simply told us that they didn’t know what to say! I appreciated these people who assured us of their prayers. After all, it’s what we needed (and still need) the most.
When you talk with a person who has lost someone dear to them, be genuine. It will be appreciated and treasured more than you can know!
Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
We’d like to offer you our in-depth guide, “A Patient’s Guide to Mesothelioma,” absolutely free of charge.
It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
Download Now