Category: Faces of Mesothelioma
No Regrets for Family Who Lost Loved One to Mesothelioma
The natural human reaction to losing a loved one is to start asking “what if?” You start to have regrets. You wonder why you didn’t stay five more minutes during a visit, why you hung up that phone call, or what you could have done to protect the one you lost. Living with regret is something that can have a negative effect on every aspect of your life. Try to remember that someone that loved you would never want you to live with that awful feeling.
Life has a funny way about it. It keeps going on for some when it ends on earth for others. Dad had been diagnosed for one year and eight and a half months when he passed. One year and eight months to the day after his surgery. Looking back, I know that we did everything that we could to help him fight mesothelioma.
My parents traveled constantly for surgery, doctor appointments, a clinical trial, and radiation. They were so hopeful with every good result. We researched and read as much as we could about new treatment options, side effects, and others who were also battling this horrific disease.
Losing Dad was the most heartbreaking event of my life, but we can take comfort in knowing that we literally did everything that we could to give him the best quality of life possible while he was sick. Dad promised me that he would never give up, and he didn’t. He is an inspiration to me and I am so proud to have the opportunity to share his story with so many. His faith is what carried him through, and has allowed us to carry on knowing that we gave it our best. My prayer is that we may all find comfort in our journeys, no matter what they may be.
Moving On After Loss of a Father To Mesothelioma
Once I recovered from the initial shock of Dad’s death, my next question was “where do I go from here?” How do I move on from something like this? These are questions that I am still fighting to answer, and I’m not sure that I will ever know the correct response. All I can do is share my honest, daily struggle with you.
Every morning, I wake up wondering how I’m going to get through another day without Dad. Then, I spend some time talking to him, and that tends to make me feel a little better. As I go through my day, many things happen that I know he would love to hear about. I think that I need to pick up the phone and call him right away to share my story, but I can’t. They always say that old habits die hard. I have to learn to adjust to this new way of communicating with him. It’s sort of a one-sided conversation in that he doesn’t answer me with words, but I still feel like he hears me and responds in a different way.
I look around and notice that the world keeps moving on, but I’m not sure how. I see people going on with their normal lives and realize that mine will never be “normal” again. My normal was having a Dad who loved me unconditionally. It’s only been 22 days since he went to Heaven, but it feels like an eternity.
In short, at this point, I don’t know how to give any advice on moving on, because it’s not a place that I am at yet myself. I do know that by the grace of God, I’ll get there. Some days are better than others; I still have times when I break down completely, and that’s ok. Everyone grieves differently.
I have to remember that moving forward is nothing to feel guilty about because I will never forget my Dad – the way he sounded, his scent, and his abounding love for me and my family are things that will never fade from my memory. He took care of everything he left behind – even his estate through his final will. Dad would want us to be able to enjoy every day just as he did and take time each day to smile and pray.
I keep remembering the saying on my Dad’s coin that he always carried with him and try to take it to heart. I hope it can also bring you some comfort and hope. “Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I can’t handle together.”
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Mesothelioma Warrior with Her Last Goodbye
Mesothelioma is a cruel cancer. As long as asbestos is still among the everyday items we use or pass, it will keep taking family members to the grave.
Yes, this is a harsh statement, but nevertheless it is true. Until you hear of a family member being struck down with Mesothelioma did you take notice of the warnings of asbestos? Did you listen to the broadcasts made by law firms, perhaps touting for business, but ultimately telling you this stuff is dangerous?
Many people use the statement that Mesothelioma is a rare cancer. What is rare about a disease that takes more than 3,000 people a year? What is rare is the fact that not more than one or two cases per year may appear at the same doctor’s clinic or hospital, but that doesn’t make it rare as a killer.
Because Mesothelioma has been thrown on the backburner for people who undergo the journey of trying to survive, most sufferers now turn to support networks where others understand the terrible way this cancer can act.
You can have a CT scan in June saying your disease is Inactive and Stable, two weeks later that same cancer could have reignited itself and grown over 1 cm around the lung. On the other hand you could be told you will die in less than 6 months, but this same cancer may decide to stay stable for that period of time. The only person who can really say what is happening, once the mesothelioma has come to life, is the patient. They feel the growth of this terrible disease; they understand that when their breathing is becoming laboured the mesothelioma is growing. But diagnosing time is something none of us can do.
Mesothelioma isn’t like any other cancer – it is sly and quiet as it invades the lung, abdomen, pericardium or even testicles. Unbeknownst to many it has sat quietly in their organs waiting for the day it would breathe itself and set off on a journey of destruction throughout your body.
The mesothelioma community is shocked on a daily basis because someone who was fit and well two months ago is now fighting for their lives in a hospital room. No one has a chance to work out the final goodbyes because it can and does take you so fast.
We have discussed on these insights about Near End of Life Wishes, but would we want to say Goodbye too early to our loved ones when we could just be fighting a quick chest infection and thinking the worst.
A late friend has given me a good idea, hard at explaining his own feelings he spent hours looking for the perfect cards with the right words. He left these for his devoted wife for when he died, he knew that this would be his goodbye without actually having to say those words or be prepared to do so when he was fighting for his last breath.
I would hate to think I am lying on my death bed and not saying the correct words to ease my loves heart, likewise I doubt he would forgive himself if he left me without saying I Love You. But just in case I go when he is asleep I hope he will find a nice stack of cards written with the words I was not able to express with those last breaths I took.
Friends and Family Gather to Remember Mesothelioma Patient Don Smitley
Jennifer Gelsick has been writing blogs about life for her family as her father, Don Smitley, battled mesothelioma. Sadly, Mr. Smitley passed away last month. Jennifer returns to MesotheliomaHelp with a different perspective on the impact of mesothelioma. She hopes her new perspective will help those with mesothelioma live for the day and cherish every moment of life.
As I sit down to write, I am now a completely different person writing from a different place. I have joined the part of the mesothelioma community who has lost a loved one to this terrible disease.
My amazing father, Donnie Smitley, passed away on October 15, 2013, at the age of 57. These last few weeks have been a blur for my family and for me as we attempt to adjust to this “new normal” of life without him. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel him with me, just in a different way. We are coping as best we can and appreciate the expressions of love and support that we have received more than you can imagine.
The support began immediately after I got the call from my husband telling me that Dad had stopped breathing. A friend who lives close by came to be with me until Mike got home. Another friend drove us the three hours to my parent’s house. Countless people brought food, sent cards and flowers, and visited us. The outpouring of love was overwhelming, but in a good way.
The days of the viewing were full of family members, friends, and acquaintances sharing condolences and wonderful stories of my Dad. It was amazing to me to see the huge number of people who recognized how special Dad really was. At the funeral, bluegrass music was sung, stories were shared, and an amazing message was delivered. The main point: Dad was a man of relationships. How true – his relationships with his family, friends, and most importantly, God.
Throughout the three days we spent at the funeral home and at the Church, I realized that with someone as amazing as Dad, we shouldn’t have been surprised that God needed him back so soon. We should just be grateful that He let us keep him as long as He did. Dad was truly an angel here on earth, and now has his wings in Heaven.
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Read Up on Mesothelioma During Health Literacy Month
October is Health Literacy Month, a time to focus on finding ways to more clearly communicate health information. This year’s theme is, “Be a literacy hero.” Many people ranging from lay people to nurses and doctors have done incredible things to promote this cause.
Throughout the last year and a half, my family has been provided with a lot of information about mesothelioma, treatments, clinical trials and the like. Some pieces of literature seemed easy to understand, others were much more complex. Thankfully, Dad has some of the most amazing doctors in the world who are knowledgeable and kind and are willing to sit with us and answer any questions that we may have.
There are many different resources readily available to those seeking answers or doing some of their own studies. Many internet websites are credible and valid; just research them a bit before you take their words as gold. There are podcasts, seminars, and workshops for all different topics that you can attend. Books abound in information, but again, be sure to check how current the data is. New research is done every day! Also, be sure to separate opinion pieces from literature based on hard facts.
Writing this blog and reading the others on this site have been a great source of information for me. I have learned about new studies, treatments, and ways to cope with a mesothelioma diagnosis. The great saying that “knowledge is power” rings true once again. I hope that I have been able to provide some hope and useful tips through this forum; please feel free to contact me any time if I can help you!
Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
We’d like to offer you our in-depth guide, “A Patient’s Guide to Mesothelioma,” absolutely free of charge.
It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
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