Mesothelioma Help Cancer News
Remembering The Last Goodbye
My heart breaks as I write today, realizing that it has been two years to the day since the last time I saw my Dad. I remember it very clearly; he was in the hospital that day, supposed to be discharged. We had big plans to order pizza that night to celebrate, and then Mike and I needed to head home. While being evaluated that afternoon, his oxygen kept dropping, prompting the medical staff to cancel his discharge.
I could see the disappointment in Dad’s eyes that day; he wanted so badly to be home in his rocking chair with his dog beside him. Those 19 days he ended up spending in the hospital took a toll on him and he was tired. We made the best of that evening though, ordering out for dinner… well for Mom, my husband, and me. I kept sneaking him some French fries; just another one of our private memories that no one knew about.
When I left the hospital that night, we said goodbye and I started out the door of his room. I happened to turn around and he waved and said, “Bye Jen!” I remember thinking that was so strange; he usually called me anything other than my name (he had a long list of nicknames for me). I blew him a kiss and left the hospital, not realizing that that would be the last time I would see my Dad smile. The last time I would hug him. The last time we would look each other in the eyes and say, “I love you.”
When I stop to think about it, maybe the oddity of him calling me by my name was a gift. Maybe God gave that to me so that I would always remember it and the smile he had on his face when I last saw him. The warmth that Dad exuded was extra present in that moment, as was the love in his eyes.
I miss my Dad every day, but it’s on days like today that it really hits me. Realizing that I’ve had to live without him for almost two years is tough to handle, but I know that he is up in Heaven now, with that same love for me and my family, smiling on us each and every moment.
Competitiveness Can Benefit Mesothelioma Patients
What motivates someone to push himself through his recovery? I think we all have a competitive edge to us for something. It could be to be the best salesman, homemaker, parent, or to be the best at our job, in our home or any other area we want to improve. For some, competition is all encompassing, for others it is a healthy motivator.
I took care of a patient the other day who was observing another patient’s recovery. He said, “Oh, he looks better than I do when he’s walking.” I explained the other patient had a different set of circumstances, and that no two mesothelioma patients are alike. He nodded in agreement. Knowing what a competitive person he was, I knew he was noting this and thinking how he was going to improve. His verbalizing that the other patient looked better walking was actually motivating him to push himself.
Reflecting on this, it reminded me of how fortunate we are in the U.S. to have dedicated mesothelioma centers. Now, as there is more collaboration between the researchers, and various centers than in the past we can ask, “What motivates these researchers?”
I think it is more about them wanting to do their best. Without competition, what would motivate these researchers and future researchers to dedicate their lives to a disease that many others have thrown their hands up at? These scientists, doctors, nurses and others would not keep working to improve the outcome for mesothelioma patients, if they were satisfied with the status quo. They would be satisfied like many other medical professionals before them, saying there is nothing we can do.
As for my patient, the next time he walks, he may walk farther just because he saw somebody else do the same. When the competitor in us helps us achieve more, we should embrace it. Sometimes we need to motivate ourselves by pushing ourselves so we can grow and get more information, research, ideas, or maybe just walk a few more steps in after surgery.
Take a few more deep breaths, and count our blessings that we are able to do it.
Heading to the Mountains Allowed Dad to Escape Mesothelioma
I say it all the time, my Dad was so much more than a disease. He should be defined for being an incredible husband, father, brother, and friend. He should be remembered for his character and sense of humor, not as someone who had mesothelioma. Dad never wanted the burden of being ill for himself or anyone else; he wanted to be Donnie, not Donnie who had cancer.
Mesothelioma did not change who my father was. It changed his ability physically, but his personality and values remained unchanged. Most of the time, he just wanted to be away from everything that reminded him of his cancer.
Dad loved spending time in the mountains, and this is where he would go when he wanted to get away from it all. We would take rides, go out for dinner, and stop at scenic overlooks to just take some time to relax. He loved playing bluegrass music with his band; it seemed like when he was on stage, he could let go and just be himself, smiling and singing.
Spending time at home with his family was always high on his priority list. He loved getting lost in old stories and making new memories. But he wasn’t afraid to say that he didn’t want to talk about mesothelioma anymore if it were brought up in conversation. Dad was determined not to let this disease run his life. Life is so much more than one setback, it is the sum of all that you are. Dad’s sum total was a beautiful life and he is loved and missed every single day.
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Nurse Sees Diversions As A Good Way to Cope With Mesothelioma
When I decide to write a blog it is usually based on an interaction that I have had, or something I’ve seen that I thought was different, or just something that will help others on their journey with mesothelioma.
I recently took care of someone who was in recovery after surgery for his mesothelioma. Despite the size of his tumor and length of his surgery, he was doing remarkably well. He had a supportive family who were in and out throughout the shift I spent with him. But the one thing I think that surprised me, was that he was involved with starting up a business. This business had been a thought, a dream, before he got sick – but now it was becoming a reality. He and his wife had decided to stick with the plan and go for it.
As I cared for him, it was clear that his health was his and his wife’s priority, but this business gave them something else to think about. It provided a healthy diversion during which he was not the patient and she was not the caregiver. It is important to focus on your health, but it is also good to have a diversion.
Diversions or hobbies can help you pass the time during recovery, and keep you from worrying about every single pain, and decision that is being made. Not everyone is going to start a business, but having seen firsthand the important role it was playing in this patient’s successful recovery, I started thinking about other things that could help other patients.
Everyone’s lives are different and the options are just as different. Maybe a wedding is coming up in the family, a new baby, or just the desire to learn something new – like social media. You could tell the story of your journey, your life before mesothelioma. People are very interested in hearing how people are dealing with their illness and recovery. No one better than you can tell what is like. If you are not into that, possibly you can find a class that interests you. Something low key, like knitting, or an online class about something you have always been interested in, maybe even take the time to learn a foreign language.
Diversions are not about passing the time. An unknown author once said, “Recreation’s purpose is not to kill time, but to make time live; not to keep people occupied, but to keep them refreshed; not to offer an escape from life, but to provide a discovery of life.” Everyone’s journey is unique – as are their coping skills.
Mesothelioma might offer you the chance to do something you have always dreamed of doing.
Ask Jennifer: How to Manage Mesothelioma’s Financial Burden?
Health care is expensive; being treated for mesothelioma is daunting enough without having to consider the financial strain. A lot of meso patients travel for treatment, adding additional expenses to the already large number looming overhead. Sometimes, I fear that the cost may impact someone’s decision to receive the best care available.
When my Dad was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, we started on a journey in many ways. One of these journeys was traveling to New York City, eventually making it our second home. Hotel employees knew us by name, servers at restaurants we frequented would talk about seeing friends of ours who had just been there – who were also in NYC for treatment. Life in NYC is expensive as anyone can imagine, but the cost was well worth the benefit for my father.
Starting our trips to NYC, we weren’t sure how we would handle it. Hotel accommodations and meals were a great expense and we were grateful for the gifts and donations that generous family members and friends provided. When Dad needed to stay in the city for six weeks, we were blessed to find that Dad met the criteria to stay at the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge; they provided a wonderful place for Mom and Dad at no charge.
Figuring out everything that goes along with a mesothelioma diagnosis can be a huge task, but there are people who can help you. Contact the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation; they were an unbelievable help to my family. They can provide you with information that can change things for the better.
When considering the cost of cancer care, don’t count out any treatment because of monetary implications. It is well worth researching aid and help that you may be able to receive. After all, you or your loved one’s health is worth more than any dollar amount!
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Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
We’d like to offer you our in-depth guide, “A Patient’s Guide to Mesothelioma,” absolutely free of charge.
It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
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