Category: Faces of Mesothelioma
Reflection on “Time” Since Losing Her Father to Mesothelioma
As I write this, I look at the calendar and realize that it has been six months to the day since my Dad passed away. Sometimes, it feels like just yesterday. Other times, it feels like an eternity. Time is a fleeting thing and a varying schematic from person to person and event to event.
When I think back to that warm October day when Dad lost his battle to mesothelioma, I remember every single detail. What I was wearing, what I was doing when I got that terrible phone call, how I felt. The pain comes rushing back any time I replay it in my mind. Something that real and life-altering sticks with you forever.
I remember everything about the viewings at the funeral home and the funeral and burial themselves. Who was there, what they said, how everyone was grieving. Perhaps these vivid memories are why it seems like it just happened. In reality, these past six months have been transformative ones for me and my family.
Looking back at all of the changes we have gone through emotionally make me realize that it has been half of a year without Dad’s smile, voice, and heart. We have gone through feelings of shock, intense pain, sadness, loneliness, and emptiness. These still remain, but have given way to strength, unity, courage, and pride. Looking at things this way, it makes me feel like so much has happened since we lost Dad that it has to have been longer than just six months.
Losing Dad has become a turning point in my life and something that has come to define me in some sense. I suppose that you can, however, choose how to let it define you. I choose to be defined as someone who loved her father, was devastated by his death, and who is doing her best to attempt to carry out his legacy by becoming a better person.
I think that time is a funny thing. We are all given a certain amount and how we choose to spend it is really up to us. I hope that when my time is getting short, I can look back and be happy with the way I’ve used it, just like I’m sure my Dad would have been.
Daughter Says to Celebrate Easter, Enjoy Memories
A few months ago, I wrote about the empty chair that would be present at Christmas. This continues every day, but with Easter it will be even more challenging. Every time my family is all together, it makes it increasingly difficult to realize that everyone is there except for Dad, the most exuberant and joyous of us all.
Dad loved get-togethers, always doing his best to prolong them and always asking, “What’s your hurry?” when someone said they were going to head home. He really enjoyed Easter will all the food, candy, and Church services.
For years, Dad would wake up before dawn and head to a sunrise service. He would come home and watch me open my Easter basket when I was little before we would all head off to church to celebrate the real meaning of the holiday. Then, it would be time for dinner – this was one of the highlights of the day for Dad since he loved to eat!
After dinner, we would go home and usually try to spend some time outside, weather permitting. Then it was time to get ready to go to the Easter play. Dad always had a big part in both the Christmas and Easter programs, but he never knew his lines! He would come up with creative ways to help the situation like hiding his script in his shirt sleeve or writing lines on his hand. The best part was when he would sing. I was always so proud of him, but when he sang it usually brought me to tears.
There are special memories made every day, but perhaps the holidays bring out the best of them. Having family and those special to you all together lends itself to sentimental moments, laughter, and stories that will last a lifetime.
As we celebrate Easter, remember that the reason for this season is that Jesus died for each one of us. Thank him for that and hold your loved ones close. From my family to yours, have a blessed Easter!
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Coping to Changes After Death of a Loved One to Mesothelioma
When you lose someone you love, everything about life as you know it changes. I never have dealt well with or been fond of change, and this kind rocks me to my core. When Dad passed away, the home that I grew up in that was always so full of love and laughter, became four walls that encased the memory of the man who made that house a home. Dad built the house with hammer and nails, but also built it into a home with his unconditional love for my Mom and me.
The guitar that Dad used to produce beautiful music that brought joy to so many now sits in the corner, just a stationery object. The yellow coffee cup Dad always drank from hides in the back of the cupboard. Never again will it be found left outside, in the garage, or any of the various places that it traveled on its’ adventures with Dad.
These inanimate objects seem to have lost their “personality” – I must say that sometimes, I feel the same way. The biggest change of my life was losing my father. I know that a part of me left with him that day, but a part of him remained here in its place. The part of me that would have been wracked with so much grief that I couldn’t function, was replaced by the part of him who knew that I needed to try to be strong to help the rest of my family. The part of me who would never have felt like it was alright to laugh again was exchanged for his good-natured, laid back spirit, allowing me to smile at our memories.
I won’t say for one second that I have been brave or courageous throughout this experience; that would be a lie. That being said, looking back on these past five months, I know that Dad is with me, helping to guide me through. Other than losing Dad and attempting to somehow adjust to this new way of life, the biggest change has been the one within myself.
I have realized that it is possible to be strong but caring, sad but joyful, and broken but whole at the same time. These conflicting emotions don’t make sense, but it is possible; I’ve lived it. These are the parts of me and my Dad that have melted into one. Emulating his amazing personality and generosity is a tall order, but one that I intend to reach for. Even the most negative change can spark a positive one.
Dad took care of everything, not just his estate but all the memories that he will leave behind.
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Gratitude for Mesothelioma Specialists on National Doctor’s Day
March 30 marks National Doctor’s Day in the United States. The goal of the day is to celebrate and recognize the physicians who so valiantly serve Americans with mesothelioma, and to thank them for their contributions. From my point of view, this is a beautiful way to acknowledge the medical community and show them our sincere gratitude for all that they do.
Many doctors spend countless hours working – putting their own interests aside for the good of their patients. Whether they are in the office having clinical visits, doing research, speaking at an event, or completing continuing education, they are constantly striving to be better for us.
We here in the U.S. are so lucky to have world class doctors at our fingertips. My family has become well acquainted with some of them over the past two-and-a-half years and we do recognize that we are blessed by them. From Dad’s primary care physician in southwestern Pennsylvania to the mesothelioma specialists in New York City, each one has been a beautiful example of what a doctor should be.
We have been treated wonderfully by these individuals throughout this entire journey. Dad was treated as a person, not a number. Every question was answered with the utmost respect… even when I asked some obvious ones that made my husband laugh and shake his head. These physicians truly advocated for Dad and for our family. They did their best to understand our nerves and apprehensions. They shared in our joys and in our sorrows.
I have been lucky enough to see the human side of medicine through these amazing men and women, and I thank them for their tireless work and dedication from the bottom of my heart. Reach out to your friends and colleagues in the physician community and let them know that you appreciate them. Their life-saving work should not go unnoticed.
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Impact of Mesothelioma to a Daughter Who Lost a Father to the Disease
Mesothelioma…a difficult word. A lot of people aren’t sure how to say it, let alone know anything about it. I used to be one of those people. All I knew about mesothelioma came from those commercials promising legal help. I didn’t know it was cancer, I didn’t know there was no cure, and I didn’t know how it would change my life forever.
When I hear the word “mesothelioma” now, a range of emotions run through me – fear, pain, heartache. Everywhere I go, I’m afraid that there might be asbestos around. I feel pain every time I think of someone being diagnosed with mesothelioma or undergoing surgeries and treatments. My heart breaks knowing that this disease took my Dad from me and knowing that others have gone through this same devastation.
All these sincere emotions aside, perhaps the most painful thing for me is that, in many cases, the general public who are lucky enough not to be privy to the world of mesothelioma, don’t take it seriously. There have been many times since Dad’s diagnosis where I have overheard people saying that asbestos is a joke, that it won’t hurt you. I always make it a point to step in and politely and calmly explain that that is simply not true. It’s something that I take incredibly personal; I feel as though I have to defend my Dad and all those in the mesothelioma community.
It is so important that the general public be educated on the dangers of asbestos and mesothelioma. It is for everyone’s protection. Knowledge and caution will help, but knowing that asbestos is still legal in the United States truly angers me. Meso is a completely preventable disease that we all need to protect ourselves against.
If you have questions about mesothelioma, contact the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation to find out more. Help to spread the lifesaving information they have worked so hard to provide, and continue to “Believe in a cure!”
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