Category: Faces of Mesothelioma
Jennifer Gelsick Thinks of Her Father Three Months After He Loses His Fight With Mesothelioma
January 15 marked three months since I lost my Dad. A lot has changed, many adjustments have been made both internally and externally. Although life is not the same without him, we have been doing our best to carry on while carrying Dad with us.
For me, every day starts out a little differently. I used to call Dad every morning to check in, see how he was doing, and let him know what my plan for the day was. He loved hearing about our businesses. Where was Mikey working today? Do you have any meetings? He was so proud and interested, it made even the worst days of work worth it, knowing that I could share my stories with my Dad.
Every time something funny or remotely interesting happens, I always want to reach for the phone to call him. On Thanksgiving morning, as we got ready to make the trip to see my family, we put our dog in a sweater. It was funny and I knew Dad would get a kick out of it. I thought to myself, “Since Dad won’t be there today to see this, I’ll text him a picture.” Instantly, I felt a pain in my heart. They say that old habits die hard – how true.
Even though I have these lapses from time to time, I have been working hard to remember that Dad would want me to enjoy every second that God blesses me with, not to worry about him, especially since he’s now in Heaven. I talk to Dad a lot and that helps me. Sometimes, when I’m not sure what to do, it’s almost like he’s telling me what path to take. This comforts me so much; Dad always gave the greatest advice.
The pain of losing my father is still very fresh, but I feel like I can now handle it a little better. Talking to family members and friends, watching home movies, and just reminiscing about how wonderful he was now brings me comfort and not so much pain.
It’s been said that time heals all wounds. I’m not sure that this wound will ever be healed, but I guess we have to learn to tolerate the pain in some sense. With faith and trust in God, all will be well. For all of us who have lost a loved one, let’s keep working to find a cure for mesothelioma, so that others can avoid this wound.
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Five Lessons I Learned from Caring for My Father During his Fight with Mesothelioma
When I was asked to write about what I’d learned from living with someone with cancer, I was stumped. There are so many nuances that go along with this topic, where should I start? After a lot of thought, I came up with five things that I realize now are so important.
- Don’t let cancer dictate every move you and your loved one make. After Dad was first diagnosed, I found myself letting my whole life revolve around cancer… not Dad necessarily, but Dad’s cancer. It can become easy to stop treating someone like a person and start treating them like a disease. Every time Dad would move or cough or say he was tired, I would instantly jump into action thinking that something was wrong. He finally told me that he was okay and he would let me know if there was a problem. I did my best to honor his request and not worry so much.
- Try to relax. For your sake and for the sake of your loved one, try to take a breath and relax a little. When you stress, those around you feel it and start to feel anxious as well. This doesn’t fare well for anyone involved.
- Ask for help. A cancer diagnosis comes with a lot of challenges and tough choices that you would never think of. It is way too much to try to handle them alone. Talk to other family members, trusted friends, your Priest or Pastor, and ask them to assist you. Most of the time, people want to help, they just don’t want to appear nosy or overbearing. Even having someone pick up some groceries or take a trip to the post office for you can be a huge help. It’s also wonderful just to have that support around you.
- Cling to your faith. Dad carried a coin with him every day that said, “Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I can’t handle together.” Take a second to think about that. It is so true. My family has relied on our faith in God to get us through every stage of this journey. From start to finish, God brought us to and through each point along the way.
- Treasure every moment. I cannot stress enough how important this is. For every person, no matter what your health, our time here on earth is fleeting. Every second you spend with those you care about is special. What you might think is just a normal, boring day, is what you’ll miss when someone you love is no longer here. I would love to have even one more second to spend with my Dad, but God had a different plan. No matter what, don’t take anything for granted.
I hope that these five things will bring some comfort and help to you. Please know that my prayers and the prayers of my family are with you always. God bless you!
Mesothelioma Warrior Faces Declining Health
One of the saddest things about dying from cancer is the realisation that you can see your body deteriorate. At first, especially with mesothelioma, it’s that little breathlessness you never had before. That small incline at the bottom of the road was easy a few months back, now you find you need to stop to take a moment before setting off on to the flat.
In all the years I have been fighting mesothelioma, my one problem was pain, not breathlessness, until last year when I noticed I got breathless walking the dogs, always after walking up an incline.
Just this summer, with a stomach full of fluid I was still marching around. Always a fast walker, on the flat I was walking without a problem, but the stairs, on the other hand, became somewhat tiresome.
Suddenly, after having the drain fitted and taking on a chest infection my breathing plummeted – I can no longer walk five yards without being breathless. Stairs are my enemy, even walking to the kitchen and back takes all my strength. This is full on realisation that makes me worry, ‘Will I always be like this?’ ‘Can the chemo reverse this,’ and lastly, ‘Is my time nearly up?’
There are some solutions to elevate the problems of mobility, such as a wheelchair for going out, a chair lift for those stairs, but mentally this doesn’t remove the fears that our bodies are weakening to the effects of the cancer.
I know bowel cancer, stomach cancer and various others do bring pain, but many are towards the very end. With mesothelioma we seem to suffer from start to finish. I guess that is what makes this the worst cancer in the world to have. Unless some high powered minister or government official ever had to suffer or watch their family member go through this, they will never see or understand the complexity of what this disease does.
I hate the fact I can see the changes taking place, I can see the pain it brings in my husband’s face, each time I have to ask him to help me. I am losing another piece of my own independence, and I face the fact that I am getting worse.
We are all holding out for that one drug that will help, but since the development of pemetrexed, which works on only 40% of mesothelioma, nothing better has come on the market. That drug was found by accident, maybe the next one is around the corner. But unless a significant amount of people get a benefit from a new drug the trials are scrapped. What happens to the 60% it doesn’t work for?
As I now battle with the spread of my cancer to the abdomen as well as both lungs and back on my pericardium, I fear the worst. I have to believe the chemotherapy I am trying now will take me back to the health I so enjoyed in May and prior. Never again would I complain about that little bit of being out of puff, I would rather that than be in a wheelchair. Never before have I felt like an invalid, but now I need to review my life and begin a new way of normal.
To those facing this same decline we must stay focused on the fact we are still here and still able to share in the life and enjoyment of our loved ones, for it is them we keep pushing ourselves on for. I must put away my own worries about my decline so that my husband can feel he isn’t helpless anymore but helping me live as full a life as normal.
Father Lost to Mesothelioma Made Daughter Closer to Her Mother
Anytime you lose a loved one, relationships between those who are left behind change. In my case, I became closer with my family (who is already extremely close) as I need them more now than ever before. My relationship with Mom has deepened a lot over the last few years. I have always counted her among my best friends, but once Dad got sick, our relationship grew to a whole new level.
Once we became caregivers for Dad, Mom and I started to talk a lot more frequently, usually several times a day, to check in and see how things were going and what Dad needed. She not only took amazing care of Dad, she had to take care of me too. I am a complete worrier, you can ask anyone! The time we spent waiting for doctor appointments or test results were complete torture for me. She and Dad were always there to calm me down, even though they needed comforting themselves.
Now that Dad is gone, no longer sick and suffering, Mom is working on slowly figuring things out. Everything has changed for her, and I must say she is doing an unbelievable job coping with the situation. I have written before about how strong she is, and that strength continues to shine through every day.
My husband has also assumed a new role in taking care of Mom and me. Every time we visit (which is pretty often), he always tackles the projects around the house that need fixed, moving things around, answering questions… and he does all of these things with a smile and so much grace. He does it because he knows that we all need each other. This is what family is all about.
Mom continues to amaze me every day, and I am blessed to have her for my mother just like Dad was blessed to have her for his wife for almost 32 years. Our relationship grows stronger every day and we know that we can always count on one another. The mother-daughter relationship is a special one, and it’s easy when you have a Mom as special as mine.
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Don Smitley’s Love of Bluegrass Helped Him Forget About Mesothelioma
My Dad was a musician. He always said he “played at” the guitar, just chording, but wow, could he sing! Music made a huge difference in Dad’s life. It allowed him a sort of escape to a place where he could let go and be lost in the bluegrass music that he loved so much.
During Dad’s last few months, he wasn’t able to play very much as he was in and out of the hospital. The last time he went to a bluegrass event was over Labor Day weekend. He traveled by himself to meet his band mates up in the beautiful Pennsylvania mountains. I remember being so nervous about him going alone, but he assured me that he was fine. When he got home, he called and told me that he was tired, but that he had had a wonderful time. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was beaming.
Dad and his band mates sort of became a “band of brothers,” if you will. They were very close and supported Dad throughout his battle with mesothelioma. Although his voice has been silenced here on earth, it is so wonderful to have the videos and CDs of his performances. These are things that I will treasure forever.
My father always believed in making the best of every situation, and music really helped him to do that. Singing about “Rocky Top,” which he dubbed his theme song, Gospel, or other carefree subjects, made him feel better in mind, body, and soul. I was always so proud to watch him play and sing. You could tell that he was truly happy and content, as he was with everything in his life.
If I can offer one piece of advice to those suffering with mesothelioma, it would be to do what makes you happy and try to forget about the disease. Don’t let mesothelioma take your happiness from you; let your happiness take away the mesothelioma.
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