Month: November 2013
Moving On After Loss of a Father To Mesothelioma
Once I recovered from the initial shock of Dad’s death, my next question was “where do I go from here?” How do I move on from something like this? These are questions that I am still fighting to answer, and I’m not sure that I will ever know the correct response. All I can do is share my honest, daily struggle with you.
Every morning, I wake up wondering how I’m going to get through another day without Dad. Then, I spend some time talking to him, and that tends to make me feel a little better. As I go through my day, many things happen that I know he would love to hear about. I think that I need to pick up the phone and call him right away to share my story, but I can’t. They always say that old habits die hard. I have to learn to adjust to this new way of communicating with him. It’s sort of a one-sided conversation in that he doesn’t answer me with words, but I still feel like he hears me and responds in a different way.
I look around and notice that the world keeps moving on, but I’m not sure how. I see people going on with their normal lives and realize that mine will never be “normal” again. My normal was having a Dad who loved me unconditionally. It’s only been 22 days since he went to Heaven, but it feels like an eternity.
In short, at this point, I don’t know how to give any advice on moving on, because it’s not a place that I am at yet myself. I do know that by the grace of God, I’ll get there. Some days are better than others; I still have times when I break down completely, and that’s ok. Everyone grieves differently.
I have to remember that moving forward is nothing to feel guilty about because I will never forget my Dad – the way he sounded, his scent, and his abounding love for me and my family are things that will never fade from my memory. He took care of everything he left behind – even his estate through his final will. Dad would want us to be able to enjoy every day just as he did and take time each day to smile and pray.
I keep remembering the saying on my Dad’s coin that he always carried with him and try to take it to heart. I hope it can also bring you some comfort and hope. “Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I can’t handle together.”
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Planning for Thanksgiving Relieves Stress for Mesothelioma Patients
Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on all that we are grateful for, to enjoy festive times and to reconnect with our family and friends. However, for families dealing with mesothelioma, the holiday season can be a challenging and stressful time. Many patients may feel like forgetting the holidays while battling cancer, but planning for the days ahead can be healing for them and their family.
Patients and caregivers should communicate openly and honestly with each other about how they would like to handle the holidays. Although neither may be up to enjoying loud celebrations and large meals, they should still consider marking the special day. By talking out their feelings and needs, they will be better able to plan and communicate those plans with other family members and friends.
Consider lightening up around Thanksgiving and the holiday season by forgoing the extravagance of the season, and focusing on enriching relationships and relishing family time. Simpler, quiet times on Thanksgiving may be what is needed to eliminate the temptation to overdo it while still enjoying the holiday.
Realize that even though you may be surrounded by loved ones, you may still feel sad. Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP, wrote in ‘Thankful But Not Happy,’ as you cope with your sickness or a loss over Thanksgiving, “Be gentle with yourself and leave room to embrace all of what you feel.”
“Holidays won’t end all pain and suffering but they can help us restore what we need- to look forward with hope,” Phillips added in ‘Finding the Healing Potential in Holidays.’
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Nurse Encourages Patients to Choose a Health Advocate
Recently, a close family member had a sudden serious illness requiring a prolonged hospitalization and a three and one-half weeks stay in the intensive care unit. During this sudden and unexpected illness, the importance of having a family member to advocate for him, explain what had been done and not done, and what tests had been performed was crucial. I have the distinct advantage of being an ICU nurse which helped the patient, and the other family members deal with his illness, all the questions and the roller coaster of emotions that goes along with an acute illness.
This made me think about mesothelioma patients and their families who often are treated with surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. More than likely, at some point during the journey the patient will end up in the hospital, dealing with a host of experts and concerned family members. When this happens, it is important for the patient to ask someone to step up and advocate for them and to communicate his wishes and concerns to other parties.
One of the most important roles of an advocate is to capture all the medical information and to get all the facts. The best way to ensure correct, complete information is to get a notebook and write down questions, procedures and tests that have been performed. Keep a journal of what is going on and upcoming appointments. It is important to record the information in context of how it was said and in what sequence it was said. The drugs that are given to the patient can cause amnesia, and much of what a patient goes through will not be remembered. The detailed notes can bring peace of mind to the patient when they are reviewed and explained.
If you are a family member of a patient dealing with mesothelioma, remember to take care of yourself as well. It is not easy to see your loved one with tubes and undergoing painful procedures. Talk to someone about what you are going through, and trust the staff to take care of your loved one.
Remember, mesothelioma is a journey with bumps along the way, and it is a difficult time for everyone. Staying by your loved ones side can help ease the stress for him, and will also help the medical team by allowing them to focus on the patient’s care.
For more information about health and wellness, please visit www.wellsource.com.
Woodworkers Unite to Support Mesothelioma and Other Cancer Survivors With Fundraising Build Event Through December 9
Marc and Nicole Spagnuolo, owners of The Wood Whisperer, with their son Mateo.
Woodworkers across the United States have the chance to turn their hobby into an opportunity to make a difference for cancer sufferers. Through December 9, the 2013 Woodworkers Fighting Cancer build event challenges woodworkers to build a small woodworking project – a young artist’s easel. For each submitted photo of a completed easel, a donation will be made to CancerCare on the builder’s behalf. CancerCare provides support services to patients, caregivers, and their families dealing with mesothelioma and other cancers.
With a theme of ‘Building for a Cure,’ Marc and Nicole Spagnuolo, co-owners of The Wood Whisperer, an Arizona-based provider of online woodworking education for the modern woodworker, have once again organized a build project with a goal to raise money for a cancer charity. Started in 2010, the Woodworkers Fighting Cancer events have raised nearly $25,000 for cancer support organizations, including the American Cancer Society and Livestrong.
For every child’s artist easel completed, the builders can submit a photo to Marc Spagnuolo and he will donate $5 per entry, with other corporate sponsors matching the donation. This year they hope to raise $10,000. 100% of the money raised will go to CancerCare.
“CancerCare is incredibly grateful for our supporters at The Wood Whisperer,” said Jhara Navalo, CancerCare Director of Donor Development, in an email to Mesothelioma Help. “Their creative and inspirational campaign will greatly improve the lives of our clients.”
Many builders have already jumped at the chance to participate. Bobby commented on the challenge on The Wood Whisperer’s website, “Congratulations for motivating us to make the world a better place. Count me in.”
“I’m in for this year! Looks like another fun build for a great cause,” added John who said he had already downloaded the plans.
“The great thing about this project is that not only do we get to support a great cancer organization, but many of the woodworkers go on and donate their project to a holiday children’s charity and give back to their community,” said Marc Spagnuolo in an interview with Mesothelioma Help.
Inspired by a Woodworker Fighting Cancer
In 2006, Marc left the security of a full-time job to turn his passion for woodworking into a business. Now, after years of perseverance, hard work and the support of the woodworking community, Marc and Nicole both work full-time supporting the growing business. Once the business started to expand, the couple began looking for a charity to support. It wasn’t until they got a call from a stranger that they found their inspiration.
The Spagnuolos were moved to give back to the cancer community when a man battling pancreatic cancer contacted Marc in 2010 for help in completing a steamer trunk. Duane Moore told Marc that woodworking was “an important part of his recovery” and he wanted to leave something for his children and his family, but he needed some help with completing the project.
Marc developed the Steamer Trunk video series specifically to show Duane how to build the project. But when Duane’s health began to fail, Marc and Nicole dropped everything and flew to Duane’s house in Ohio to give him some one-on-one help in completing his remaining projects. Duane passed away a short time later.
“When we watched Duane work so hard to finish his projects in his short time left, Nicole and I knew that we had to find a way to help others fighting cancer,” said Marc. “We have been overwhelmed by the support and encouragement of not only our fellow woodworkers but the companies and corporations who have helped us achieve our goal.”
The Need for Cancer Support Gets Personal
Pleural mesothelioma, an asbestos-caused form of lung cancer, and pancreatic cancers are two of the most aggressive and deadliest forms of cancer, both of which have limited treatment options. While chemotherapy and radiation are most often used to relieve symptoms, the cancers often metastasize leaving the patients with a very short survival. Organizations such as CancerCare are critical for helping cancer patients and families deal with some of the emotional and financial issues that come with a cancer diagnosis.
When Nicole’s father was diagnosed with lung cancer last year, Nicole wanted to find an organization that helped patients and their families in their day-to-day battle with cancer.
“There are so many costs around cancer, beyond the medical care, that cancer quickly became a financial burden for Dad,” said Nicole. Her father lives in a rural area of Missouri and he had to drive over 40 miles one-way each day for his radiation treatments. “The cost of gas and wear and tear on his car was becoming challenging,” she added.
Nicole set out to find organizations that support families with the immediate needs facing them while they fight cancer.
“I found CancerCare, and I really liked the support they offer patients for helping them get through the daily stressors of cancer,” said Nicole. “When I told Marc about the organization’s services we decided to select them as our charity this year.”
“It’s thanks to advocates and generous donors like The Wood Whisperer that we are able to provide emotional and practical support to anyone affected by cancer,” said Navalo.
How to Participate
The Spagnuolos make it easy to help them support CancerCare. Plans for the easel were donated by WOOD Magazine and can be downloaded for free. Kits with materials needed to build the easel can be purchased at Bell Forest Products. For each kit purchased, the company will donate $10. In addition, people can purchase a coffee mug or T-Shirt. Donations can also be made directly to CancerCare. For more information on the 2013 Woodworkers Fighting Cancer charity event visit The Wood Whisperer.
About CancerCare
CancerCare is the largest, long-standing national organization helping all people affected by any type and any stage of cancer. 87% of donations directly support its suite of services, which include telephone, online and in-person counseling and support groups, educational workshops and resources, as well as financial assistance. Approximately $.13 on every dollar is spent on administrative cost. The organization constantly strives to reduce cost. Donors can designate their gifts to support general operations or medication co-pay assistance.
Supporters have the ability to setup their own fundraising page at http://community.cancercare.org/team. Users can include pictures with personalized messaging and receive online donations.
Visit CancerCare.org for more information on how they can support you.
Sources:
- 2013 Woodworkers Fighting Cancer
http://www.thewoodwhisperer.com/videos/woodworkers-fighting-cancer-2013-the-young-artists-easel/ - CancerCare
http://community.cancercare.org/wwfc - submit a photo
https://www.thewoodwhisperer.com/submit-projects-and-shops/
Jennifer Gelsick Reflects Caregiving Rewards
Life as a caregiver to a mesothelioma patient can be a trying experience, but now, looking back on the time I spent taking care of my Dad, I realize that there was no place I would have rather been. I would love to now be able to help Dad with his “fancy” no-slip socks that he had to wear in the hospital or to help him with anything he might need. Time is fleeting, so take advantage of every opportunity to be with your loved ones, no matter whether they have mesothelioma or not.
I remember when I started to help take care of Dad. It was right after he was diagnosed and he had two chest tubes in to drain fluid. Every time he needed to get out of the hospital bed, we had to pick up the drain system and carry it into the bathroom for him. The first time I was asked to carry it, I immediately panicked. Those tubes with that fluid in them…there was no way I could touch them… until I did.
After Dad had his surgery in February of 2012, I helped him walk down the halls in the hotel we were staying in in New York City. I held his arm and was so afraid that I would pull him and then mess up something with his incision. I could not take the pressure… until I did.
All through this process, I questioned myself and how I would handle whatever would happen next. I thought, what if the cancer came back, there would be no way that I could personally go through that again… until I did.
My biggest fear was getting a phone call that Dad was gone. I never truly believed it would happen. I thought that I had played out every possible scenario in my head, but I hadn’t. When I found out that Dad had passed, I knew for a fact that I could never handle it… until I had to.
Being a caregiver is a daunting task, but in retrospect, it was the most rewarding experience I have ever had. My Dad knew how much I loved him, but it was in those times I had the privilege to care for him that I could really show it. He never really asked for anything, but he didn’t have to. He knew that we were there for him, no matter what. You may think, like I did, that it was too much for you and you could never in a million years be able to handle it. But I promise you can. God will give you strength and carry you through. So treasure the time you have with your loved ones, take care of each other, and thank God every day for the opportunity.
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