Mesothelioma Help Cancer News
Nurse Talks About Dealing With Grief After Losing a Loved One
A friend’s mother died recently after a short illness. Diagnosed in December with a very aggressive form of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis- Lou Gehrig’s disease – she died in mid- March. This vibrant, young woman was struck down by a debilitating disease. The end was painful for the family as they watched the disease progress rapidly until she enrolled herself in hospice.
Her mother chose hospice and her family listened. Her husband of 48 years was devastated. He told everyone who came to the wake the story in the exact same way. His wife’s devastating diagnosis, the swiftness of her decline, the suffering, and the heartbreaking loss that he and his family were dealing with. My friend was reflecting on that and the way her father was handling his grief, and we talked about the importance of letting him tell his story and listening to it.
Expert Insight
Dana Farber Cancer Institute
“Grief is made up of intense emotional and physical reaction that is characterized by deep sadness and a yearning to be with that person again, how we react will be different for each of us because grief is unique.”
Grief varies from person to person, how we deal with it and on what timeline is unique. How can we as caregivers and family members help when someone dies? Most importantly, remember that everyone grieves in their own style. The five stages that Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced in 1969 – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance – are a guideline and everyone is different. People that are dealing with a loss must be able to do what they are comfortable with, whether it be repeatedly telling their story, attending support groups or seeking out grief counselors, and on their own timeline.
Grief is something we all deal with during life. For my friend and family it is supporting her father by allowing him to tell his story in his own way to deal with his grief. It does not go away if it is ignored.
Mesothelioma victims and their families need support through their unique journey with mesothelioma. Don’t be afraid to listen. Everybody has a story and often just listening to it more than once can be helpful.
Mesothelioma Advocates are Critical for Helping to Find a Cure
I have said numerous times that I had no idea what mesothelioma was until after my Dad was diagnosed. And, really, if you have no reason to know, why would you? Mesothelioma is always shown in commercials, with people offering some sort of legal advice. The word might be out there, but in no way does that explain what it is, how there is no cure, and what causes it.
Mesothelioma might be considered one of the lesser known diseases of our time. Even so, those impacted by its grasp find that they can never get away from it. With the cure not being found as of yet, loved ones of those who have or have had meso find themselves in constant fear of asbestos, myself included. We try to educate others of the dangers of this material and provide as much information as possible, but it still feels like people aren’t really listening.
Funding for mesothelioma research and education is critical. We must not only educate the general public about this form of cancer, but also work constantly to raise money that goes toward research so that we can, someday very soon, find a cure.
With people not being overly familiar with mesothelioma, it is sometimes tough to fundraise. People might not want to contribute to a cause that they know nothing about. When you are working on a fundraiser, be sure to offer literature that your patrons can look at. If your event is in honor or in memory of someone, talk about them and their life and how it was changed by this disease.
Having lived through my Dad’s journey with mesothelioma makes me want to work even harder to raise funds for organizations that work towards eradicating this disease. Dad underwent a heartbreaking diagnosis, surgery, chemotherapy, a clinical trial, and radiation before he passed away on October 15, 2013. The time between his diagnosis and passing was almost 21 months. That period was the most challenging of his life and the lives of our family.
Even though my Dad is now in Heaven, I will continue to work to raise awareness and funds for mesothelioma research, and I hope that you will join me. My prayer is that together, we can save lives through education and treatments, and finding new leaders who are committed to ultimately find a cure for mesothelioma.
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
My Memories of Dad Will Last a Lifetime
I have had a number of people tell me, “Don’t worry, you’ll never forget your Dad.” People have also said, “It’s hard, but try not to forget.” Right after Dad passed, forgetting any little thing was my biggest concern. Now, I realize I don’t have to worry about it, that Dad is always with me in some way.
Once I got over the initial shock of Dad’s passing, I realized that there is no way I will ever forget my Dad. We may not clearly remember loved ones we lost when we were young, but I was 30 when I lost Dad – plenty old enough to have stored up memories to last me a lifetime.
A lot of people go through this fear, and I honestly think that it’s perfectly natural. You want to hang on to every moment that you spent with the person you lost, not forgetting a single detail. You want the young, maybe even unborn, members of your family to know them like you did. The good news is that they can… through you!
To me, carrying on someone’s memory is a special gift that you can share with others. They don’t just have to be children, even an adult who didn’t know your loved one could benefit from hearing stories, seeing pictures, or watching home movies of someone who was special to you.
I think of my Dad every single day, and I know that’s something that will never go away. I talk to him a lot, telling him about what’s going on in my life, joys and sorrows, triumphs and failures, just like I would have if he were still here. I know that he’s up in Heaven interceding for me. It’s hard to look at it this way at first, but realizing that you now have a special angel up there is a pretty awesome thing!
Carrying someone with you and passing on their memories can be a lot of work, but it’s something so worth it. Talking about your loved one will come to bring you joy and comfort after a while and can bring you a feeling of being close to them. Your relationship with your loved one is unique and special, carry it with you always!
Know more about Mesothelioma and how you can deal with it.
Nurse is Continually Inspired by Mesothelioma Patients
As a nurse, I learn a lot about resilience from my patients. After some of the most challenging surgeries, I watch as patients and their families deal with pain, living restrictions and trying to get back into a normal life. But those who live day-to-day with mesothelioma never cease to inspire me. I am continually amazed at how people not only live with the effects of mesothelioma, but return to a daily routine.
In some situations, patients have to fight hard to not only beat the side effects of chemotherapy and radiation, but also the effects of this dreaded disease. These patients often have weekly, if not daily, medical appointments on top of battling this relentless cancer. It can all be daunting, but so many mesothelioma patients fight their symptoms and aggressively attack the disease so they can be there for their families.
It seems every day I get a wakeup call as to just how challenging life can be for chronically ill mesothelioma patients. Sometimes I am stopped dead in my tracks watching patients and their families grapple with the enormity of the disease – but they do and they keep moving forward.
Everyday can be a battle for mesothelioma patients, and I think we often forget about them. So if there is anything you can do to make just one day a little easier for a friend or loved one please do it. It will make a difference for you and the patient!
If you have questions about your mesothelioma treatment or any aspect of your mesothelioma care, please contact us.
Why I Will Always Be an Advocate for the Mesothelioma Community
Advocating for mesothelioma patients and their families has become a big part of my life since my Dad’s diagnosis in January of 2012. Even though I knew next to nothing about the disease, I immediately felt connected to the mesothelioma community and knew that I needed to do all that I could to help find a cure and to fight on their behalf.
Throughout my Dad’s journey with mesothelioma, my family and I did fundraisers to work toward finding a cure for this terrible cancer. Over the past two years, I have been blessed to come to know many researchers, caregivers, and meso warriors. Hearing their stories inspired me to do more, but I wasn’t sure what I had to give. I was so grateful for all those who were fighting on my family’s behalf, but I didn’t know how I could help. Total strangers were pulling for Dad and praying for us, how could I ever repay them?
When I lost my father on October 15, 2013, I realized that what I had to give was my voice. Through writing, fundraising, and just talking to people to raise mesothelioma awareness, I can make a difference. And so can you.
Being a mesothelioma advocate means speaking for those whose voices have been silenced by the disease. It means fighting for those whose bodies need to focus on healing. It means educating others about the dangers of asbestos and the serious implications of exposure. The best part of this is that you don’t have to do it alone. There are lots of people out there who are encouraging mesothelioma patients and research in their own ways. Innovate. Get creative!
Being a mesothelioma advocate is a wonderful way to remember a loved one who has fought this horrible sickness or to honor someone who is still battling. I choose to speak up in memory of my Dad, who fought tirelessly until he took his last breath. I owe it to him and the rest of the mesothelioma community to keep fighting. My prayer is that together, we can find a cure so that no one has to go through this ever again.
Free Mesothelioma Patient & Treatment Guide
We’d like to offer you our in-depth guide, “A Patient’s Guide to Mesothelioma,” absolutely free of charge.
It contains a wealth of information and resources to help you better understand the condition, choose (and afford) appropriate treatment, and exercise your legal right to compensation.
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